National Geographic's got nothing on me.

When the time has come that is just before your period, and you are kind of sensitive and a little bloated and fluffy from water weight gain (and the Oreos that you swore you would only have two of, then had more than two of), do not ever, I repeat EVER, try on your pre-pregnancy bras.

Here is what you discover:

1: Your boobs are now under your arms, and your cute little bras cannot rescue them from over there.

2. You have a second set of boobs located directly underneath your first pair.

3. Your first pair? Are now much closer to the ground.

4. Lace is not cute when there is flesh coming out of every opening.

Now I get that boobs are precious, and the life force for many women's children, but this does not mean that we don't want them to be sexy anymore. I knew when I breast fed (or tried to breast feed and failed) that my tits would take a beating. And I think they survived it all pretty well; my nipples can still look at you and not the ground (and not the sky, but whatever; I don't need ski slopes).

I think the point is the same point it always is post-pregnancy, which is that your body is never going to be the same, no matter how much you think it might look like it's old self. So be kind to yourself and your tits, and invest in new bras. Your ego will thank you for it.