How much does it cost to get your name in People's Beautiful People?

I only ask this because the new list came out today, and there are some uglies on there. Uglies from 90210. More specifically, the dude who plays Dixon who couldn't act his way out of a paper bag.

If you read my earlier blog, you know I watch the show. I hate it, but I watch it. And one of the more specific reasons I hate it is because of freaking Dixon, the stupid adopted main kid who is the new Brandon. He is not attractive, he can't act, and he's fucking obnoxious. And now that piece of shit is in the 100 Beautiful People? What. The. Fuck.

The girls on the show are hot, skinny little cunts, but hot. And they all got featured together. And not even a good picture of them. And that lump of shit, Dixon, got his own feature. Have you seen the teacher (played by Ryan Eggold) on the show? He is a freaking fine-ass piece of man. The dad (played by Rob Estes, whom you might remember from a little show called "Melrose Place"), is a fine-ass piece of man. There are plenty of hot males from the show to choose from. And, yet, they chose that lump of shit to represent.

Well, eff you, People magazine. And eff you, 90210.

National Geographic's got nothing on me.

When the time has come that is just before your period, and you are kind of sensitive and a little bloated and fluffy from water weight gain (and the Oreos that you swore you would only have two of, then had more than two of), do not ever, I repeat EVER, try on your pre-pregnancy bras.

Here is what you discover:

1: Your boobs are now under your arms, and your cute little bras cannot rescue them from over there.

2. You have a second set of boobs located directly underneath your first pair.

3. Your first pair? Are now much closer to the ground.

4. Lace is not cute when there is flesh coming out of every opening.

Now I get that boobs are precious, and the life force for many women's children, but this does not mean that we don't want them to be sexy anymore. I knew when I breast fed (or tried to breast feed and failed) that my tits would take a beating. And I think they survived it all pretty well; my nipples can still look at you and not the ground (and not the sky, but whatever; I don't need ski slopes).

I think the point is the same point it always is post-pregnancy, which is that your body is never going to be the same, no matter how much you think it might look like it's old self. So be kind to yourself and your tits, and invest in new bras. Your ego will thank you for it.

So worth it.

Sometimes, Mommy needs a little 'me' time, even if it is only to dick around on the Internet. So during this me time, Owen sort of gets away with whatever.

The house is basically child proofed, but I assure you, if I missed something, Owen will find it. Case in point, as I write, he is pulling out all of the kitchen utensils from the Giant Drawer of Utensils. Spatulas, spoons, tongs, pizza cutters, etc. (I just discovered that I own a potato peeler. Rad!) These are his favorite toys.

If I were a more crafty woman (which I will be from now on, as this idea has just dawned on me), I would just buy myself some new awesome kitchen thingamajigs and justify it by saying that they are Owen's new toys. Then we both win! But seriously, he loves himself a spatula.

Side note: I just spell checked, and I had the word "thingamagiggies" that it didn't like. I clicked on it thinking that there would not be anything remotely close to the spelling, and lo and behold, "thingamajigs." It's a real word, people.

I can't help but laugh.

Today was one of those days where very little got done. The tv was on, but I wasn't watching. It was a completely useless day. I felt badly that I had all this time to myself (Owen was with his daddy), and I did nothing. There's an explanation for this, but we'll get into that another time.

After hours of being depressed and lazy, I finally decided to go to the gym. I actually got dressed and left the house (this is a big deal, because it was raining and 10 pm). As I was driving, though, I got this really bad feeling that I shouldn't go. Now, this might seem weird, but I have a long history of gut feelings, and I have learned to follow them.

So I decided to just go grocery shopping instead. But I didn't feel good about that either. This pissed me off. I had finally gotten around to getting my ass of the couch and out of the house, and this is what I am encountered with? the feeling to go back home?

I turned around and came home. When I got home, I let the dogs out to pee, and while I was standing on my front steps, I noticed two guys smoking in the darkness on the steps of the house on the corner, watching me and my dogs. This house is known for having slightly shady characters reside there (it's a rental). I called my dogs in, locked the door and set my house alarm (immediately).

Now, who knows if anything really would have happened. Maybe they would have tried to break in while I was gone, maybe they would have jumped me when I got home. I have no idea. What I do know is that I am pretty glad I listened to that feeling and came home.

But that's not the freaky part. After double checking the alarm and front door lock, I decided to make myself some tea. As I was doing so, I sort of started talking, not so much to myself, just to the infinite beyond (you know, cause the infinite beyond hangs out in my kitchen). I said, "Okay, I get it. You've been sending me signs, and sometimes these signs piss me off, but then I realize that you are right. So I will start listening to you, okay?"

I opened my tea package (Yogi brand tea), and read the little inspirational message on the tag (there is a different one on every tag, sort of like a fortune cookie). I shit you not, this is what it said, "When we practice listening, we become intuitive."

So when I say that the infinite beyond is talking to me, believe me, I will be listening to what it's saying.

Staring contests and other fun games.

I feel so sorry for Owen sometimes. Now that I'm home all the time, I think he gets sick of seeing my face. He's such a social little boy, and he loved going to his babysitters, and now he doesn't go to them. I'm sure he misses hanging out with other people.

It's not that he doesn't like me (he freaking loves me), it's just that we sort of get sick of each other. That's when we have to leave the house and go on some shopping trip or something. Then he can flirt with all the people at the store. And, boy, does he flirt. He gets this from his dad (believe me, I wish I had half his talent).

I was reading a parenting website (babycenter.com), and a woman was asking what to do with her kid all day, because they get bored. It was really nice to know that I'm not the only one who goes through this. But one of the answers really made me laugh. The woman was a teacher, and she was talking about what she planned on doing over the summer while she was home all the time with her kid. She said she planned on having a morning activity and an afternoon activity, like they would go to the zoo or a museum or something like that. Everyday. Leave the house. Yeah, right. This woman is either delusional, or she has a nanny.

Or am I just really lazy? I have never been one of those women who always has everything planned, and has craft supplies in her craft room (let alone a craft room). I never planned on being a mother, so I worry sometimes that I'm missing the training for it. I worry about failing Owen; that I'm not going to give him all the tools and lessons he needs to be a great person.

But then I sit on the floor and play with him, and he kisses me with his big open mouth, and we read together, and I know that everything is going to be ok.