I'm tired today. I'm at the beginning of my weekend (as in, my days off), and it's hard, because I just want to relax. But I also want to spend some quality time with Owen, and he totally wants to hang out and play with me. But I also have a ton of shit I need to do. It's that stupid bitch, MOM GUILT, getting to me again.
I decided it was time to go back to school and finally finish. So right now I have an online class, then at the end of June, I start a 5 week French class. Let's just say, this is not going to be easy.
How do moms do it? I feel bad when I'm on the computer and Owen needs my attention. I feel bad when I have to leave him for work. What is it going to be like when I have to leave him for school, then leave him for work, then ignore him when I am home, because I have homework?
I know he's young and probably won't remember any of it, but I will. And I know it is only going to be for less than a year, but that's a whole year of my son's life that I won't really be around for. I know it is so that I can provide for a better future, but what about the present?
Ugh. I think I'm just too tired today. And if I'm too tired for me, then I'm too tired for him. I feel like an asshole.
Let's just say, thank God for coffee.
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Ok Chica...let me tell you that I know exactly what you are talking about. The bad news is that it doesn't get easier and the guilt doesn't go away. The good news is, with repetition, you can get better at juggling everything and better at handling the mommy guilt feelings. I have been in school part time to full time depending on the semester and working a minimum of full time my daughters entire life. I have had to up my anti-depressants to handle it all and not jump off a cliff, LOL, but you figure it out! Just tell yourself that all you can do is the best you can do!! And make sure you are doing that! You are a strong woman, and Owen will be proud to have a mom that persevered through all these hard times! Love ya dear, Keep your chin up!
ReplyDeleteyou're an amazing mom
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